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BLOG: Actually, marriage is for you

Blog by Adam Chodak

We recently posted blog on our Facebook page entitled "Marriage Isn't For You."

In it, Seth Adam Smith quotes his dad who says, "You don't marry to make yourself happy." 

I'm sure Seth's dad is a sweet guy, but this is bunk.

Of course you marry to make yourself happy.

Trying to convince yourself otherwise is setting yourself up for failure.

Look, we have needs.

The reason we seek out relationships is to meet those needs, pure and simple.

Recognizing this actually empowers a relationship.
 
Acknowledging you have needs allows you to communicate them to your partner, which makes it easier for him or her to meet them.
 
Naturally, this is a two-way street; your partner should cue you in on his or her needs too.
 
Seth's dad says if you marry to make yourself happy, you're selfish.
 
He's right, but being selfish is healthy; being unselfish can be harmful.
 
Believing a marriage "isn't about you" could convince you your needs don't matter and unmet needs chip away at a relationship; they disempower it.
 
Now, being greedy is something else entirely.
 
Greed is when you take without thinking of others, without looking to meet their needs.
 
This tack will direct your marriage to the same rocky place as  will unselfishness.
 
So recognize your needs, express those needs and encourage your partner to do the the same.
 
Make your marriage more about you and you'll fortify the "us" that makes you happy.
 
Read the original blog here: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/ 

 
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